Tuesday, July 26, 2005
---> I just did this meaning of name thingie in a site which I saw in a girl's blog. The colored phrases/sentences indicate that they are true. Hehe. Check it out.
You entered: Justine Gaile Condor
There are 18 letters in your name.
Those 18 letters total to 84
There are 8 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 3
The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.
The expression or destiny for #3:
An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.
The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.
Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in you abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.
The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.
The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.
Your Inner Dream number is: 4
An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.
----> I also did the birthday calculator as well and it was pretty fun knowing stats from your birthday.
You entered: 5/21/1988
You were born on a Saturday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 7.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2447302.5.
The golden number for 1988 is 13.
The epact number for 1988 is 11.
The year 1988 was a leap year.
As of 7/26/2005 11:18:03 AM GMT +0800
You are 17 years old.
You are 206 months old.
You are 897 weeks old.
You are 6,274 days old.
You are 150,599 hours old.
You are 9,035,958 minutes old.
You are 542,157,483 seconds old.
There are 300 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 18 candles on it.
Those 18 candles produce 18 BTU's,
or 4,536 calories of heat (that's only 4.5360 food Calories!).
You can boil 2.06 US ounces of water with that many candles.
Your birthstone is Emerald
The Mystical properties of Emerald
Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Emerald is used for physical and emotional healing.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewlers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Agate, Chrysoprase
Your birth tree is
Chestnut Tree, the Honesty
Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritable and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing crescent.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
AS LOVERS GO - Dashboard Confessional
She said, "I've got to be honest, you're wasting your time if you're fishin's around here."
And I said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not foolin' this feelin' is real."
She said, "You've gotta be crazy! What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?"
"No, you've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion,
but I swear that you've got me all wrong."
I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear,
I'll belong to you if you just let me through.
This is as easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?
I said, "Ive got to be honest. I've been wanting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound, but just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane. I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
"You've got wits, you've got looks, you've go passion,
but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"
I was listening to Dashboard Confessional's album A Mark. A Mission. A Brand. A Scar. which I bought during the summer but never actually got the chance to listen to, I've heard the song AS LOVERS GO so many times before coz I have the acoustic version but I never actually took notice of the lyrics.
Then when I listened to it a while ago, it kinda hit me. I don't know why, but for a certain reason it did. Maybe coz of the sincerity of the lyrics and how it was delivered by the composer. I swear Christopher Ender Carraba has got to have one of the best minds of a composer and musician. I mean check out the lyrics of Dashboard Confessional songs, they're indirect but they fall straight to the point. Plus they're so smart. For example the songs The Swiss Army Romance, A Plain Morning, The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most, Screaming Infidelities and my personal favorite, Hands Down.
But check out these songs: Rapid Hope Loss (the lyrics are very indirectly direct), Ender Will Save Us All (I recommended it to Pratz, and he freezed when he heard the lyrics), and of course For Justin (if you totally understand the lyrics, it will make you cry, although the song doesn't..)
And his choice of words/vocabulary are amazing! Discrepancies (meaning: difference) from For Justin. I'd like to quote few of the lyrics which really amazed me.
"I catalog these steps now, decisive and intentioned,
precise and patterned specifically to yours.
I'm talented at breathing, especially exhaling,
so that my chest will rise and fall with yours.
I'm careful not to wake you, fearing conversation,
it's better just to hold you and keep you pacified."
-Bend and Not Break
There is so still so much more I wanna share but I just wanna leave you to analyze the lyrics. Believe me, they're amazing, and I don't think I'll ever get over my Dashboard Confessional state ever.
Monday, July 18, 2005
The Bottom Line
Sometimes you think you know best. You may even be right. But bossiness won't help.
In Detail
You just can't stand not knowing absolutely everything that's going on around you, so while you adore surprises, it's amazingly tough to sneak one by you. Well, someone who loves you is working on that right now, and while you probably could figure out exactly what's coming, not to mention when, you should distract yourself. They've been working hard to make this happen for you. Let them have their fun. (Oh, and if you do figure it out, at least pretend to be surprised.)
MY FRIENDSTER LOVE SCOPE FOR TODAY. I'M WONDERING. REALLY WONDERING.
I didn't attend class today. I was just 30 minutes late, then I was already so close to going to class, went up the stairs, then went back down again coz I was lazy. I was 30 minutes late coz I woke up at 8 when my class was supposed to be at 8:30. I slept at almost 2 last night, I was on the phone. ^^
I just decided to go to the cafe to have breakfast (since I was in a hurry), and I always have a weird combination. Arroz Caldo with Choco Crinkles and NESTEA Lemon. Haha, I always have that, I don't know why, but arroz caldo and crinkles just taste so good in my mouth when they're combined. Hehe. So now here I am in the internet cafe near school with 2 of my classmates (they said they were lazy to go to class too. haha) and I'm waiting till 11:30 when my class gets over.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Life is what you make it.
Totally. When you choose to feel burdened and sad or lonely then that's what's gonna happen. But if you set foot on the greener side of the grass, feel the warmth of the world, the breath of fresh air, and the nitty-gritties, that's the positivity. Sure, there are always these times when we stop and think, "Why are we living in this world?", "What's our purpose?" and the most famous expression, "Is there really somebody for us??".
I'd like to focus on the 3rd question and its aspects. The other day, I was chatting online with a close friend. He has a current girlfriend and he told me, "I think she might be the one" then I asked him if he was sure and he told me, "If you're in a relationship and you really feel that they're the one, it becomes true." Regardless of his age, I've heard lots of situations like these and I do think that they're true though maybe since I have NOT experienced this feeling myself, then I wouldn't know. Honestly, I can't wait. I can't wait to look at 'him' or whoever 'he' may be and think "He's the one." It might be a little too fast, but I'm not too desperate for that time to come either, I just wanna know how it feels like to think that way and for that phrase to actually become true.
A while ago I was at my friend's house coz they had a party and we were watching this channel where they feature all the weddings, parties, and events which are being held in Cebu and we came across this wedding where the bride and groom were like even younger than me. The girl was about 6-8 months pregnant and the guy looked like he was not even in college yet and they had this grand wedding the way normal weddings would be held. My friends and I were held captives by that couple on TV. They were so young, yet you could actually see that they were in love. The way they kissed, held hands and the fact that they were both SO YOUNG! I could guess that the guy was about 15-17 years old, as well as the girl. I was quite shocked but then I thought, "if they're in love, why not go for it??"
Somewhere out there, I know there really is someone for me. Although we may not be together or we may not meet, there is. I think this way coz life, is how I make it.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I wanna love again. I don't wanna love anymore. What do I really want?
I called two guys a while ago, the 1st one was my past, the 2nd guy is "supposedly" the present one.
At first I was thinking twice about calling my past, since we hadn't spoken in more than 2 months, since summer actually. When I called him, I was surprised that he could still distinguish me properly, we still talked coolly like nothing ever happened to us before. He even had the guts (he always has the guts) to ask me, "You miss me right??" and I said, "Maybe YOU do." I figured out that was the wrong thing to say since I was the one who called him in the first place. We catched up on a few things, he asked me where I studied now and what course I'm taking and I asked him stuff like that too, and later on knew he shifted his course. We talked for quite a while and as usual the last sentence ended in a teasing way. He said, "I'm gonna take a bath now ok" and I was like "Yuck, coz you smell!". He asked me to call him again later but I refused, thinking that would be the last time I would call him again.
One of my best friends, who's staying with me for the week asked me what's wrong with me, and why do I always feel that way during every aftermath of our conversation, since I couldn't get over that short track of convo. Why? I ask myself too.
I called the present a few hours later after that. We talked for quite sometime too, even longer than the past and surprisingly we too had a lot of things to talk about, even though I was the one initiating most of them. We kept on making jokes to each other and stuff, being really funny and always making each other laugh. Honestly, the convo was kind of awkward, but we got over it and talked about cigarettes and teasing each other with our so-called (inverted commas) girlfriends (slash) boyfriend (inverted commas). You know the thing when two people are just in the process of getting close they tend to tease each other with having girlfriends and boyfriends, even though they don't and that's just a phase actually.
Why can't this guy say his real feelings for me? When I tried my best to make him comfortable towards me. Why? I ask myself once again.
I don't know what's ought to happen to me and any of these guys. The past is partly erased but the present still isn't that clear either. Why do these things always spin our head to the extent that we kinda get a little bit effed up in the end?
Am I considered unlucky in love that I can never get a real relationship where there's no give and no take just a mix of both? In love, I live by the quote "a great relationship comes to those who wait." But who are we to wait? Aren't we supposed to be trying to make it work?
I haven't blogged meaningfully in ages where I can really pour my heart out. I even think this is the first time. And I realize that the main topic is mostly relationships, love, and all that jazz.
What's up with relationships anyway? what's wrong with not wanting to be in one anwyway? Why do we always feel the need to be loved and to be taken care of? Why do we always want challenge when all we get from that challenge is just pain? Why? Why? Why?
Why did this guy pour his love for me, did extra nice things, and showed great efforts but just vanished in thin air? (We're talking about another different guy here). Why did he accompany me shopping, carried the shopping bags, visit me home at night when it's late even though he lives miles away just to make me laugh, accompany my nights, telling me to sleep when it got late, saying that he'll still be here for me no matter what happens even though I don't have a final answer. Did he think that his efforts were just a waste because he had an idea that I wouldn't accept him even though I had feelings for him? Who can give me an answer really? I've tried to contact him several times but all I get is a... I don't get anything at all.
I'm hoping to get an answer from all these questions, but I realize that all of us, have, more or less, the same questions in our mind.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Blogging is so boring now. I swear. I hope I'll be able to blog freely again and not feel like it's a hard thing to do but just something I love doing everyday. Ugghh.
Right now I'm feeling depressed. I don't know why. Lack of life maybe. You know those times when you think that you just don't have a reason to live? (I know it's so super over-acting but it's how I feel. So sue me.) Why do we always need somebody in our lives to satisfy our needs?? Why can't we just be alone?? I mentioned in my last post about these things but now my friggin' head has turned upside down again.
I just officially got rid of my cough and flu. My mom just left last Sunday, I'm so thankful she visited me for a week, and for that whole week a rode a cab wherever I went lol. I just missed her so much and I'm glad that we met again. I'm starting to feel homesick (homesick as in Jakarta homesick). Maybe coz there's just so much to do here, so many friends, so much going out, and hanging out that I miss the tranquility for once. I'm ragging again.
I'm really super duper woofer happy here, though I wish I could just take a one week break again and go to my room in Jakarta, my lovely room with the king-sized bed and the AC on for 24/7 listening to Coldplay's album Parachutes 10 times in a row staring at the ceiling and having no problems (not that I have a problem right now).
I have to start budgeting my money here. It's the hardest thing. I don't even know how to save.
Friday, July 08, 2005
To have, or not to have. That is the question.
What's this thing about girls always having to have boyfriend coz she has to feel safe? I don't know with me right now, but this is not my case. I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm in my "I-don't-really-need-a-boyfriend-right-now" state. My friends those who are in Indonesia already know me when I'm in this state. And the thing that I'm most bothered about is that, why do guys come lining up when I'm in this state, and when I desperately (or even when I'm not) needing a guy to come cheer me up when I'm down, and do all the chuva-choo-choo that I want from a guy, there isn't really anyone.
I'm connecting this to my situation right now. When I have the need to feel the presence of a guy, I don't get what I want, but when I'm better off on my own, there they come. I don't really wanna make a big deal out of it coz I know this is life, and life's just not fair baby.
I am Justine and this used to be juiceee.blogspot.com / I now have my own domain (e-mail me at ohjazzy@gmail.com to find out), I'm just keeping this for the sake of memories. Feel free to look around if you must! 
