Wednesday, May 31, 2006
These songs are driving me crazy right now. Let's play lyricology but still also keeping the subject to "him".
Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go
Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
Say goodnight and go,
why's it always always
goodnight and go
Darling not again
Goodnight and go
blogger's comment: Well, if we're not seeing each other, we're always online in MSN around midnight and whenever he says goodnight coz he wants to sleep (he has school while I don't), I kinda get sad. Whenever we hang out, he's always making me laugh, and yes, we get along really well. But it's just till there.
Liz Phair - Why Can't I?
Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'
comment: 'nuff said
Frou Frou - It's Good To Be In Love
I feel so powerless
I've got to stop it somehow
Oh come on what can i do?
Why's it happening
How's it happening without me
Why's it happening
comment: well, well, well, Justine.
Frou Frou - Breathe In
And i'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And i'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
Cause i love you no?
Can't help but love you, no...
comment: seems like I'm getting the Imogen Heap fever here.
note: the singer of Frou Frou is Imogen Heap
==========================
Anyway, it's WOOT!! time!!
Let's do the WOOT everybody!
Come join Rob and YOURS TRULY!
Get Over It, Justine
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I'm not saying my hearts' been broken. I just don't wanna continue feeling being in denial anymore. I was MSN-ing w/ him a while ago. And it just hit me. Justine, it's not gonna work. GET OVER IT. Fuck.I don't like this feeling. I don't like this feeling at all. I feel it and it's growing. I don't want it to grow. I know you guys are reading this right now and thinking, "Man, go for it." But I can't it's too hard. And even though I'm saying this right now, these qualms are really giving me a hard time. I'm in super denial. I'm always saying, I don't want, I'm sick of it, but at the end of the day who's on my mind? GO FIGURE.
me: i wanna have a relaxed relationship now. even so, not a relationship
me: someone i can care for. haha i miss caring for someone
him: wernt u lookn for a [serious/real] relationship b4? now u aint
me: it's not really the issue of REAL or not..i was thinking about it..
me: as long as you're just there for each other it doesnt matter
him: yeah, but u gta be ther for the other person the same way
him: gets?
me: u mean balanced?
him: yeah. u cnt be givin more or takin more. bsta, for both parties, its gta be on the same level to realy have that ideal relationship
me: exactly. ur right.
me: but if i keep on looking for that then i can never find it
him: wel u dnt look for it, itl come naturaly
him: i dint know i was lookn for love til it came to me, love found me
him: hehehehe
him: if u try to hard, then ur jus gna gve urself a hard time
me: when i have it, i tend to look for more. and i don't wanna be lilke that anymore.
me: i just wanna receive what's being given to me and be satisfied with it.
him: ur hard
him: hahahahaha
him: brat
him: hahahahaha
me: yeah. i dont wanna be that complicated girl anymore.
him: yupz
me: fuck it lah. hahaha i'm sick already hahaha
him: hahahaha
him: chillax
Please decipher the message from above. I know I'm NOT making sense.
/edit
This was taken during my birthday. Picture edited due to privacy purposes. Hahaha.
CLICK!
Tagged Victim of Love
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Jhed tagged me!
This post is quite nice. :) Me likey..
Instructions:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their respective sites anouncing that they've been tagged.
4. If tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.
Ok! Here we go!
Before everything, he MUST BE MALE.
ONE:
Physical Features
I don't choose a genre of clothing when it comes to guys. But I really notice shoes. I don't know why, it's my thing. I don't care what he's wearing, as long as his shoes look good with it. I want a guy who's comfortable with what he wears.
It's human nature to look at the face first (ADMIT IT). I'm not really particular with facial features, but a pair of nice teeth will do. I also like big cuddly tall guys, someone who makes me hug them with effort. For example, I'm a short girl so I'd like to hug my guy tiptoeing coz he's taller than me or hug him tighter coz he's built big (but not fat). And the warmth of his hugs is just priceless.
TWO:
Talented
I admit it, I like guys who are inclined in the arts and in writing. Whether music, poetry, prose or any forms of art. But mostly music. I can be stereotyped as the rockstar and bad boy lover kinda girl. But not always, they mostly just get my attention more. :D
THREE:
Mysteriously Talkative
I like guys who are really mysterious. Like I absolutely have no idea what's going on in their head. I like a guy who keeps me wondering what's going on in his head. Then I would be able to talk to him and have a good conversation hours and hours after that.
FOUR:
Amazing Sense of Humor/Life of the Party/Self-confident
He turns heads when he talks, gets people laughing their asses out (especially mine) and basically liven up a boring room. He knows when to have fun and when to be serious. Mysteriously speaking, somebody who keeps me guessing what his next move will be. Somebody confident, but NOT TOO confident with himself.
FIVE:
Homebody
There are times when I just get sooo lazy that I just want to stay at home and do nothing. In terms of cuddling, I love it. I just want a guy who can spend hours and hours with me w/out asking to do anything like go out. I just wanna sit down and cuddle, stare at the ceiling or wall, talk or watch movies all day.
SIX:
Hugs and Piggy-back Rides
As I mentioned above, I like guys who are cuddly to give me good hugs. HUGS are VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. And I'm a piggy-back addict, I always ask for them, so I like a guy who can give me GOOD piggy-back rides :p
SEVEN:
Wide Musical Knowledge
A guy who knows different kinds of music is my weakness. From Spice Girls to Megadeth and Joan Jett to Backstreet Boys, if he knows them all, it's an amazing big plus. But he should have the right taste in music, knowing all just doesn't hurt.
EIGHT:
No MOOD SWINGS
I might like a mysterious guy, but being moody for no reason just puts me right out of the spot. It's a no-no.
------------------------
Okay, this was fun. Thanks Jhed! Anyway, all mentioned above are just PLUS points ok, they don't have to be characteristics to my perfect guy. I'm open with anything. :)
Kevin
Ana
JB
Micah
Dutzy
Nate
Glam
Jeyem
YOU'VE Been TAGGED! :)
What Do I Want?
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
SHIT. I'm feeling so confused.
What's the difference between "I want him" and "I like, like him"??
I don't know how I'm feeling. I get excited when he's there. We used to talk so much but now, I can't even say a word when he's around. He's looking for a girl, yet doesn't want commitment. I don't know what I want. I really don't. Fecckk!! These thoughts are killing me. What do I want?!
I wanna be with him, but I don't. Maybe coz he said he doesn't want commitment and I'm scared to fall hard. I'm scared of everything now, I've been scared my whole life. That's probably why all my relationships never worked, and were never that serious. Maybe it's really me. I'm always scared to fall, that I've never been truly in depth with my feelings. I don't wanna be scared anymore, I just wanna be free to love someone w/out thinking about consequences or the other side but how do I do that?
That's why I want this to be different. I want it to be real. I want to tell him how I feel without him turning his back and walking away. I want the same level of understanding. I don't want to pretend like it's alright, coz that would mean I'm lying to myself as well.
Though how? Maybe I should just let it all go and pretend that I never felt it. But then again, I'd be lying to myself. And everything would go round and back to the beginning.
It's all a cycle and I wanna stretch that circle and stretch it so hard that it would become a straight line.
SHIT.
/edit
I don't love this guy.. YET. I just don't think I want it to end up that way, umm u know, considering the situation.
Birthday Pics
Monday, May 22, 2006
Here's a sneak peek of my birthday:
/edit
Click HERE for more pictures! :D
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Everything's gonna be in red, because this is my official birthday post. Hahhaha. =)
I am sooo 18 now. Phew. Time sure flies by fast.
Anyhoo,
Happy Birthday to me!!
Thanks to these wonderful people who greeted me first. :)
Thank you Alrenz!!!
The 2 guys who greeted me in YM! first: Thanks Kevin and JB!!!
One of my best girlfriends, Veronica. Thanks girl :D mwah.
My late-night online gal pal and Ganguro master, I was soo touched she made a blog about me in her multiply. Thanks Ana!!!
And finally my dear batchmate Alvin. Tenchuu.. ^^
Thanks guys I love you all. And to the people who greeted me in Friendster as well. This is as good as it gets online.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Studying Abroad.
No, not the "me" type of studying abroad. The type who leave their parents or asked by their parents to go and study in another country which is said to have "better education" than the Philippines. The type who live in dorms, or stay with foster families in countries around Europe, or USA and Australia.
My batchmates who are not Filipinos (internationally speaking I'm supposed to be Class of 2007 coz international HS is 6 years) are slowly fading away from this country (Indonesia). Some are going to the U.S, Australia, Europe and without their parents, studying in colleges and getting a dorm, and entering a foreign country without knowing anyone. No relatives and all. I mean, how can we, FILIPINO TEENAGERS could possibly do that, or could possibly be allowed by our parents to do that?! If we, for instance, have the privelage to study abroad, there should be a relative living in that foreign place at least to watch out for us.
We all know that one of the very famous Filipino traits are having close family ties. That is indeed true. I don't know many Filipino teenagers who study abroad for college away from their parents. It's just not the Filipino nature. We stay with our parents either till we graduate, have a job or even till we get married. We are just too attached with our families.
Years ago I used to dream of studying college faar away from my parents and get the ultimate freedom. But now, it all seems sooo weird thinking about it.
I was at my barkada's house a while ago just hanging out and this topic of going to college abroad away from our parents just seemed far-fetched. We live with our Moms and Dads here in Indonesia, because we all want to be together as a family. One of my friends said that the furthest she'd probably study away from her parents is back in the Philippines. Because she knows that the Philippines is her home and that she would feel safe there, even though she grew up here in Indonesia.
Do you agree with what I say? Coz in my position right now, in my college years, I can't think of being anywhere else besides being with my parents here in Indonesia. That's why I came back after doing a year of college in Cebu independently. Their presence is what we need in our lives right now. Their support, their care. So if you think you're parents are suffocating you, think again. Think of what would happen to you if they weren't by your side. =)
Saturday, May 13, 2006
I thought I'd save this post for a rainy day. And since I don't really have anything to blog about these days, despite the fact that I'm online almost all the time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this post. Relate to it, agree with it, contradict to it, disagree with it. It's your judgement. Knock yourselves out. =p
And oh, I would like to credit my friend Prish for these little heartwarmers. Enjoy!
"ifonly heknew
THAT i WANNA BE THAT GiRL HE'S SCARED TO LOSE"
Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know; sometimes our visions clear only after our eyes are washed away with tears.
THAT i WANNA BE THAT GiRL HE'S SCARED TO LOSE"
oh, and dont worry about her, shes
always upset, shes always in love
with someone who doesnt love her
back, shes always heart broken so
shes fine by now, she's used to it.
always upset, shes always in love
with someone who doesnt love her
back, shes always heart broken so
shes fine by now, she's used to it.
i just want one guy to prove to me that they all aren't the same <3>
Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know; sometimes our visions clear only after our eyes are washed away with tears.
"we are all searching for someone. that special person who will provide us what's missing in our lives. someone who can offer companionship or assistance or security. and sometimes if we search very hard, we can find someone who provides us with all three. yes, we are all searching for someone. and if we can't find them, we can only pray they find us <3"
sometimes things have to fall apart, to make you realize
just how much you need them to fall back together.
love comes to those who still hope,
even though they've been disappointed,
and it comes to those who still love
even though they have been hurt before.
sometimes things have to fall apart, to make you realize
just how much you need them to fall back together.
love comes to those who still hope,
even though they've been disappointed,
and it comes to those who still love
even though they have been hurt before.
We're all looking for something
to take away the pain.
to take away the pain.
You will never forget your first love. That's what makes it so special. You love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don’t know any different. It's the best until it is over. Then you hurt like you've never been hurt before. Eventually you love again, but you love differently. You will love more carefully, more cautiously. Just know that there is so much more love waiting for you, but there will always only be one first.
Someday someone is going to walk into your life
& make you realize why it never worked out with
- - - - - - - » a n y o n e e l s e « - - - - - - -
& make you realize why it never worked out with
- - - - - - - » a n y o n e e l s e « - - - - - - -
at some point you learn to accept the fact
that the people you wish wouldn't change, do.
goodbyes hurt, but only mean forever if you let them,
pictures never replace being there && nothing lasts forever.
but you also learn to laugh until your stomach hurts. act so crazy people think your high && live for the days with your best friends;; && just having fun because life's too short to worry
about change.
that the people you wish wouldn't change, do.
goodbyes hurt, but only mean forever if you let them,
pictures never replace being there && nothing lasts forever.
but you also learn to laugh until your stomach hurts. act so crazy people think your high && live for the days with your best friends;; && just having fun because life's too short to worry
about change.
"Here's the thing about having a relationship:
you can never look for it.
Its like when you lose your keys,
if you look for them,
you'll never find them.
You just have to wait for them to pop up under the couch or something.
So I'm playing it as patient as I can.
I'm not going to rush into having a relationship just cause
I'm lonely sometimes."
you can never look for it.
Its like when you lose your keys,
if you look for them,
you'll never find them.
You just have to wait for them to pop up under the couch or something.
So I'm playing it as patient as I can.
I'm not going to rush into having a relationship just cause
I'm lonely sometimes."
Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground. The worst thing you could get from boys were cooties. Mom was your hero and dad was the guy you were going to marry. Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were who ran the fastest. War was a card game. The only drug you knew of was cough medicine & wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut. The only thing you smoked was the tires on your bike. The only thing that hurt was skinned knees & the only things that can get broken were your toys. Life was simple and care free, everyone was wanting to grow up. And now, you just wish you were a kid again..
I just realized that i dont need you
and that scares me.
I just realized that i dont need you
and that scares me.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Well that was a sneak peek of my trip in Singapore. :) I will post all of my pictures in my multiply soon.
Singapore was great and clean as usual but towards the middle of the day it rained! :( Needed my cigarettes and hot chocolate in Starbucks coz it was getting so cold already plus also so tired walking na so I had to buy slip-ons coz I was wearing shoes and they were killing me already. I would like to thank my sponsor Charles and Keith for the beautiful slip-ons. Hahaha.
I saw Dra. Vicky Belo in the airport and one guy which looked SO like Cristiano Ronaldo I almost fainted but got back on track when I realized it wasn't actually him. My survival song in Singapore was definitely King Without A Crown (live at Stubb's) by Matisyahu. That song kept playing in my mp3 player over and over again. I finally met my old classmate Michelle and we went around Cathay mall and took Japanese prints (such a girl thang). I can't believe we spent an hour just editing pictures on the touch screen. Then she treated me for a meal in this "overlooking the rainy street in Orchard" restaurant. We had nachos, cheesecakes and drinks.
Overall it was ok, I mean Singapore will always be Singapore. But it was definitely quite an experience coz I did all those strolling and sightseeing alone. Also, I forgot to mention, I went to Singapore to process my Social Status visa here in Indonesia. :)
I got home last night at about 11pm (last flight from Singapore) and I slept at about 12 am and just woke up 2 hours ago! I slept for 14 hours haha coz I was so damn tired already, felt like all the tiredness from my body just washed out.
Happy Birthday Gian! :)
11 days til my 18th birthday!
Monday, May 08, 2006
About 30 minutes ago I just got woken up by a phone call from my mom. It went like this..
(translated from Bisaya)
Mom: Get up you're going to Singapore!!
Me: *clears eyes* Whaaa? Huh?! I thought I you told me I didn't have to go!
Mom: Well you're going! We're still processing the ticket you might be leaving tonight. Contact your friend, my secretary will call you later for details of the flight. Get up!
Me: Am I going alone?!
Mom: Yes you are!
Me: WHAT? Why such short notice?!
Mom: Coz that's the way it is, ok I'll call you back later. You're leaving tonight and coming back tomorrow night.
COME ON!! I mean my mom told me last week that I would be going to Singapore sometime this week so I called my friend and asked her already. Then about last Saturday and Sunday I asked her again and said the plans didn't push thru so I chilled. And now today she wakes me up in the middle of the day and tells me surprisingly I'm going?!
I'm excited coz this means I get to go shopping and sight-seeing with my close friend. And it's been about a year since we haven't seen each other so I really miss her. It doesn't matter if I've gone to Singapore for the nth time and go there a couple of times a year..when it comes to shopping, it's good ol' Singapore. The news on such notice just really kinda freaked me out for a while. ^^
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABBY! =)
Friday, May 05, 2006
I haven't gotten sleep for the past 16 hours. My body clock is officially jammed. But it's ok, I'm planning to be awake for the whole day today so that I can adjust it once more. I'm having my 2nd cup of Vanilla Coffee and I think I'm gonna get that rush in a while.
Anyhoo, it seems that I have done absolutely nothing productive since I came here to Jakarta. My 18th birthday is coming up (May 21st) and my mom is nagging and constantly bugging me with questions like where, what, how. Arrrgghh I didn't know planning an 18th birthday could be this crazy. And I'm not in the mood coz Indonesian tradition is 17th, so I'll definitely stand out if I celebrate it here. It's not a problem for me though. Can someone give me ideas? Please please please? I would really appreciate it..
I have just discovered that I have a PETER PAN COMPLEX.
avoids responsibilities, people tell them they are childish and need to grow up, would rather live in their head than the real world, wants success to just happen to them, focuses on fantasies more than reality, believes they deserve to have whatever they want, life lacks direction, never know what to do next, does dumb things frequently, inconsistent performance, lazy, slacker, does the minimum to get by, does things without thinking, does not feel they have any reason to accomplish anything, tend to ignore or put off problems, believes fun is the most important thing in life, most people think they are crazy, forgets scheduled appointments, more past than future, gets attention through negative behavior.
The statements above are not ENTIRELY true about me, but I do agree that I don't want to grow up yet, I'm quite scared to live the adult-life. Ones with responsibilities. I guess I'm just having an identity crisis right now. Like I don't know what I want and where I want to go in life. I don't have my priorities straight yet.
I hope someday I'll get over this. As for now, I'm still waiting for my knight in shining armor.
I am Justine and this used to be juiceee.blogspot.com / I now have my own domain (e-mail me at ohjazzy@gmail.com to find out), I'm just keeping this for the sake of memories. Feel free to look around if you must! 
